They're writing songs of love, but not for me

I glanced at the calendar in the kitchen today to see that my grandparents will celebrate their 73rd wedding anniversary this month. 73 years! How many people even live that long?

Curious, I dug through a box of photos, and found so many that had me smiling, and a few that made my heart sad, to see how youth has turned to old age, to see their faces and know just a little of how their lives were lived and what was in their hearts.

My grandmother, Festna, in 1942. She wrote everything on the backs of her pictures, and on this one she wrote: "Festna Lawrence, taken at the 2nd turn in the road from the house going toward Diamond Springs Elizabeth, Ark. Age 24. Taken in Baxter Co." I wonder what she found so fascinating about the rocks.

"Homer Lawrence, Pfc. Jewell L. Lawrence 37257154. Camp Shelby, Miss, just home on a furlough, from Alaska. Taken in June 1945 at Arthur Green's place at Beedeville Ark." My grandpa's the one on the left. The "L" stands for Lee, which is what he goes by. He would've been 32 in this picture.

Left: "Mrs. Festna Lawrence. Taken in 1945. I sent this to Lee while serving in the US Army in Germany." She's a large part Native American. Can you tell?

Right: My grandfather holding my mother, my uncle Curt on the left and my uncle Jerry on the right, in 1956.

My grandma married my grandpa when she was 17 to escape her abusive father, and my grandpa, at 22 and growing up with a hobo father who taught him how to jump trains, simply wanted someone to take care of his home. They were married 10 years before having any children, and while in France during WWII, my grandfather wanted to divorce my grandma for a woman he met in Paris. He didn't; I figured it out one summer sleeping in my mother's old room at my grandparents' house, and my uncle Jerry was born 9 months exactly after my grandpa returned home from the war.

I used to sit next to my grandpa on the couch and watch Wheel of Fortune with him, work on crossword puzzles, ride with him into town for a newspaper in his white pickup truck. I used to sit on the edge of his bed, his room smelling of mothballs and dust, as he finger picked "Silent Night" on his guitar. Now my grandpa, at 95 this August, doesn't remember who my mother is, or that he was ever in a war. I hate the time that passes.

a lasting Marriage

Wednesday I read this verse in Ezekiel: "Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine" (16:8). I looked this verse up in many different translations, and love bits and pieces of different translations:

- "'And when I passed by again, I saw that you were old enough for love. So I wrapped my cloak around you to cover your nakedness and declared my marriage vows.'" (NLT)
- "'When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love'" (NKJV).
- "'Then I solemnly promised that you would belong to me and that I, the Lord God, would take care of you'" (CEV).
- "'I came by again and saw you, saw that you were ready for love and a lover. I took care of you, dressed you and protected you. I promised you my love and entered the covenant of marriage with you. I, God, the Master, gave my word. You became mine'" (The Message).

I felt like those words were just for me. God sees my heart and its readiness to be loved, and He wants to be my lover! I loved the idea, but I didn't know what to do with it. Then...

Saturday my Intro. to Literature class went to our professor's house to eat pancakes. I could write an entire entry about the Christmas tree in the window, the homemade peach preserves, and the joy with which her son received his guests, but I'll try not to digress. After Mrs. Moulton divulged that she and her husband will be married 49 years this summer, I asked, "What would you say is the secret to a lasting marriage?" Death to oneself, she answered. A deference to one's own pleasures, to serve the other, to make the other happy. Communication is key to that death, to learn what will please the other so as to serve him better. And to be complemented, to be completed by the other. She said, "The parts I struggled to be I could be with Alan," who brought out the side of her she couldn't express without him. How romantic and applicable to my future marriage. Then...

Last night as I read Jeremiah 33:39 ("I will give them singleness of heart and action"), Ezekiel 16:8 came back to me. I thought about this marriage with the Lord and how willing He is to enter into this covenant with me, if only I would reciprocate. And oh, to have singleness of heart! To be fully committed to my Husband and want no other! To have singleness of action and live only to please Him! Then...

I began reading chapter 8 of Deep Unto Deep by Dana Candler and was blown away. Her words ran parallel to my journaling just a few minutes before. On page 125 I read, "Communication with God is the continual expression and experience of mutual affection between God and the human heart." It was then that I realized everything Mrs. Moulton had told me about a lasting earthly marriage applied to my marriage with the Lord Jesus Christ. Death to myself to better serve the Lord, communication with Him, and to be completed and made whole by His strength in my weaknesses! I couldn't believe the way these little gifts had been given to me throughout the week to be brought together in one incredible Christmas Day last night!

What a beautiful revelation. To live in such Truth! And prepare for eternity. Brings a smile to my lips!