dive! dive!

Welcome to my new blog: http://leavingmynets.blogspot.com/ If you promise to come visit I promise to get a kitten. I don't know how that benefits you, but I like the idea....

John 21:22

God has a plan for your life. Do you realize that? Sometimes I forget that our lives as Christians all intricately work together in God's kingdom. Think of a clock, and how the movement of one piece allows another piece to move. Maybe, when God asks us to do something, we don't understand how it does any good. But the next day, three years down the road, or in eternity, perhaps it is allowing someone else to do something he couldn't otherwise have done.

It's almost like a chessboard of strategy. If we allow ourselves to be moved by God's hand, He can maneuver others who are allowing themselves to be moved to accomplish His goal. Maybe we won't see it on our trip or with our check or however it is we serve. But it is not for us to need to see everything. We just need to go and do. A friend of mine once said, "We are vessels to be used as the Master calls." God promises to be with us and to go with us. What more do we need to know?

Sometimes I get caught up in what others' callings are, or wanting my calling to be in the same direction as theirs. But then I'm reminded that God has a specific plan for me, for my life alone. What He does with me is not contingent on anyone or anything else. He will move people and things out of the way to take me where He wants me to go. And I don't want to interfere with His plan by clinging to things that are hindering Him from leading me to the place He wants me to be.

"He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food" (Job 36:16). I don't think that "comfort" means I'll be cozy and safe and free of troubles, but that by doing what the Lord calls me to do, I will be at home wherever He is. I can't think of a place more free from restriction or a table more laden with choice food than home, and I want to find that in Jesus. "'Come, follow me,' Jesus said, 'and I will make you fishers of men.' At once they left their nets and followed him" (Matthew 4:19-20).

You are my holiday
You are right in the middle of me
You are my hideaway
You are home
- Shane & Shane

happy Thanksgiving

Mom: "My mom didn't want to have children because she was afraid they would fall under the mark of the Beast."
Pastor Bob: "I think children are the Beast."

What I Want for Christmas

There are several intangible, cliched (yet truthful!) things I would love for Christmas. I would love it if my brothers, sister-in-law, and niece could all be with me and my parents this Christmas. I would love it if no sadness hung over the season, but instead the purest joy, contentment, and maybe - yes, definitely - even happiness. But none of these things are really in my control, and even if I pray for them, God is not a Santa Claus who delivers our desires wrapped in red paper, but a Father who recognizes our needs in light of the big picture that we can't see.

So. What I want for Christmas.

1. A Pilot Dr. Grip gel pen. They're $10, and the one I have used to write in my journal for seven years (that my father gave me for Christmas with the explicit instructions to "use it to write") was stolen by a homeless person over the summer. I guess even little commodities make a big difference in someone's life who owns nothing. Had I known he/she would steal my pen that day, per Jesus' instruction I would have given him/her my two gel ink refills, too. (They're not doing me any good right now.)
2. New shoes. I've only had the ones I usually wear less than two years, but the top layer is peeling off and I can feel a breeze in my foot whenever I take a step forward. I would like to not have to plan what socks I wear depending on whether I care if they get wet from the holes in the bottom of my shoes. (Did I mention the rubber on the bottoms is also worn through?)
3. Axis & Allies. Yes, it's a Risk-like board game where each player participates in World War II. "Control the fate of the world in this incredible game of military strategy, courage, and cunning!" My only hesitancy in owning this game is that no one will want to play it with me.
4. A hand-held mixer. I could really go all-out and tell you I want the green, "country pear"-colored upright Kitchen Aide mixer from Bed, Bath, & Beyond, but it's $400, and that's almost 3-months' salary for a persecuted pastor in China. All I need is a hand-held mixer so that my butter doesn't clump with my brown sugar.
5. A new loofah, Olay vanilla-scented body wash, toothpaste, a new toothbrush, dental floss, and one of those super nice Venus razors. This is the Christmas list of a college student.

conversation around the dinner table

Mom: You know Cheri Keaggy? Is she blind?
Dad: No
Courtney: Yes.
Mom: ‘Cause I saw her on TV and she looked like she was blind.
Dad: Well actually, I don’t know, so why did I say anything?
Courtney: I always thought she was blind.
Dad: That wasn’t Cheri Keaggy.
Mom: Then who was it?
Heather: Why don’t I just look it up?
Dad, Mom, and Courtney continue in conversation.
Heather, watching YouTube: I don’t think she was blind.
Dad: Write on her Facebook wall, “CAN YOU SEE THIS?”
Heather: She’s definitely looking around in this scene.
Dad: Is she swaying side to side or back and forth while she plays?
Heather: Back and forth.
Dad: Yeah, she can see.
Mom: Who was on TV then?
Courtney: I always thought she was blind.
Dad, after looking it up: Ginny Owens.
Mom: Oh, Jenny Owens.
Dad and Heather: GINNY.
Heather: Ginny Owens isn’t blind.
Courtney: Yes she is. What does she sing? “Be thou my vision….”

love

The hardest people to love are the ones that are mean for no reason. The ones who treat you condescendingly, the ones who act like you're imposing on them because they don't like carrots and they wanted a bag instead of a box. The ones who are angry and take it out on you.

The easiest people to love are the ones who are grateful to the point of hugs. The ones who are happy to receive anything they can and understand when you can't do more. The ones with big families, the ones living on the street, the ones who hang around and help sweep the stairs or take out the trash.

Maybe the hardest people to love are also the ones you can't give enough love to. That makes love hard. The family of 10 from Somalia. The 21-year-old single mother with cancer. The children who don't get to experience the carelessness of being a kid.

The funnest ones to love are the ones who are crazy. The two Russian 19-year-old guys hitch-hiking across the US for the summer. The woman whose father was a scientist convicted of Communism and whose mother was royalty refugeed from Spain. The guy who asked me nutrition and exercise advice even though he was living on the street.

I don't always love the people I should. Showing favoritism is a subconscious thing sometimes. Jesus loved them all, the hard ones, the easy ones, the fun ones. He had compassion on the ones I would turn away or get annoyed with. I wished once that Jesus worked in the food pantry, so I could see what compassion in these circumstances looks like. But...I guess...maybe that's what Jesus left us the Holy Spirit for.

because of Bella

Mountains, parks, roses, Swiss chocolates, the homeless, poverty, Mormons, growth, change, bringing the kingdom of God...

none of these are the reason God brought me to Utah for the summer.

I love kittens.

I have decided to become a missionary to the kitty population of Salt Lake City. Bella's coat was groomed and silky, but inside she craved love for who she is, not what she looks like. Larry was thin and scraggly, and when he opened his mouth no sound came out. It broke my heart to see him reduced to such humiliation. Especially since his name was Larry. And he might've been a girl. And we just found out a little calico is missing! What if she's lost or stolen, hungry and cold? Something needs to be done about this injustice! I sacrifice myself to love and cuddle and frolic with neglected or mistreated kitties. Especially ones that purr really loudly and bat at snails with their little white paws.

flights of angels sing thee to thy rest

It's 1:30 in the morning and I am trying really hard to be tired. I can't figure out why I'm not sleeping. I drank a glass of Cranergy (supposedly a cranberry energy drink) before bed, but I didn't think the all-natural energy in a bottle would really have that much affect on me. It must be something else. Like the hives that have appeared the past 7 nights and itch until I take antihistamines to fall asleep. I have no antihistamines. Maybe that's the reason.

What if I've developed an allergy to my teddy bear? That's like developing an allergy to love.

My roommate is softly snoring. People who make noises in their sleep amuse me. I'm glad all I do is giggle and carry on half-lucid conversations in my sleep.

I don't really have anything to say, hence the months of absent posts prior to this. Tomorrow promises to be an exceedingly long and tiring day, and I'll most likely only get about five hours of sleep, if I fall asleep really fast after I post this. Which I most likely won't. But that's just the optimist in me speaking.

I think I would rather spend a blue-sky day in Chicago than eat all the chocolate covered raisins in the world. And that is saying a lot.

Millenium Park

I am now going to make another attempt to sleep. Please do not be alarmed. I am a trained professional.

truths

Everything that goes into a life of pleasing God has been miraculously given to us by getting to know, personally and intimately, the One who invited us to God. The best invitation we ever received! We were also given absolutely terrific promises to pass on to you—your tickets to participation in the life of God after you turned your back on a world corrupted by lust.

So don't lose a minute in building on what you've been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can't see what's right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.

So, friends, confirm God's invitation to you, his choice of you. Don't put it off; do it now. Do this, and you'll have your life on a firm footing, the streets paved and the way wide open into the eternal kingdom of our Master and Savior, Jesus Christ.

(2 Peter 1:3-11, The Message)

I don't think I fill my ears with enough truths. I think I too often, too readily, too eagerly accept the lies. I don't want to do this anymore. Psalm 119:30a & 32b, "I have chosen the way of truth...you have set my heart free."

The truth: The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. ((Zephaniah 3:17))

BELIEVE IT.

I told you it was false

Classes were canceled for the first time in my 2 1/2 years at college, and I spent the morning (after taking these pictures) drinking Chai tea and reading Ulysses S. Grant's memoirs. It really was as romantic as it sounds.

I would like to see truthful history written. Such history will do full credit to the courage, endurance and soldierly ability of the American citizen, no matter what section of the country he hailed from, or in what ranks he fought. ~ U. S. Grant

false spring

Everyone is skipping today, it seems. It's 60 degrees outside and my window's open. I just wrote a poem about the snowflakes falling not two days ago, and now the sun is shining and the mud is thawing and people are skipping. They're not thinking about the fact that tomorrow it's supposed to be 34 degrees or that it's only January 23rd and we have many more months of winter to go through. But it's okay. Because right now it's spring. I wonder if all of a sudden a bunch of random people will decide to start dating, and then tomorrow they'll break up because the wintry clouds of dissension will rip apart their love affair. Dun, dun, dun!

Why do people have to be mean? Why do they have to say mean things? Here's my challenge for you (and me) this day: Consider other peoples' hearts before you speak. What might not hurt you might hurt them. Even something so little and flippant can be taken to heart if the heart is sensitive. Not everybody needs to hear what you think. Sometimes "being kind" is not saying anything at all. And rewinding your video tapes before returning them to your local library or video store.

I wish I had more time and the means to bake new recipes and knit new patterns and read new (to me) novels. Contrary to popular belief, The Habsburg Monarchy is not interesting. At all. I look forward to the day when I marry someone rich and he faithfully supports me while I cook him meals and knit him socks and dedicate my books to him. Unless he is poor, in which case I will most likely be working in a laundry room for the rest of my life because I already know how to fold fitted sheets. Really well.

Somehow this weather is making me very pessimistic. Maybe 'cause I know it's just kidding. And I don't like to be kidded. (If I had a scowl and a gun I would pull them out right now and look intimidating. Instead all I have is some pink yarn and a class at 3...so I should probably go.)

be it ever so humble

There are some things that the absence of is needed in order to make you realize how much you loved it. My cold feet at night remind me of how warm my heated mattress pad made my flannel sheets. The orange-ish red concoction on the main line makes me realize how delicious Dad's turkey soup was. Waking up to the dark and a piercing alarm reminds me of the slow, sleepy awakenings to dishes clanging in the kitchen and light peeking through the slats in my blinds. Icy pellets from the sky onto sloppy muddy earth only slightly resemble the large flakes landing softly on an already existing blanket of whiteness.

Highlights of Christmas break '08:
+ Hiking through 2 feet of snow, burrowing under fallen logs, getting pushed in the snow by Dad who thought it'd be funny to spear me with his walking pole like Moby Dick.
+ the Christmas Eve service...twice.
+ Watching Band of Brothers in my bed.
+ Shoveling snow the first five times...after that it got tiring.
+ The first 300 pages of Anna Karenina...after that it got tiring.
+ Playing the Andy of Mayberry trivia game and speed scrabble with the fam. (Dad: "Do you spell 'slut' with one 't' or two?")
+ Watching Clint Eastwood movies, war documentaries, and Valkyrie with Dad.
+ Staying in my pajamas all day.
+ Baking peanut butter cookies every time the supply ran out.
+ Venturing by foot into unknown, snowy lands in search of the post office and stumbling into it like a dazed elf sutmbling into a ginger bread house on his way to the North Pole.

I miss Bing Crosby. And this: